Old Mack’s Tales

July 18, 2011

Why I Sometimes Get Snarky

Filed under: Uncategorized — Ron McKinney aka "OldMack" @ 4:29 pm

Why I Sometimes Get Snarky

As the caretaker of my wife’s three dogs I get very little sleep. The dogs, the eldest in particular, bark when they need to relieve their bladders or take a shit. Their barks are all unique and I can tell when they need to go out back, or when someone is crossing our front yard. There’s no mistaking the noise they make when someone is on our porch and approaching our front door; the din would wake the dead.

Zooey, our eldest, will often bark to let me know that the two younger dogs are making mischief; she has assumed the role of mother and her barks sound like a mother scolding unruly children after a hard day at the office.

At 0230 this morning Zooey woke me up. I turned on the bedside lamp and then the light in the hallway. In the light from the hallway lamp I could see that one of the dogs had trotted in a circle on the kitchen terrazzo floor projecting large blobs of dark green shit.

I spent half an hour or more shoveling up the shit and dumping it in the toilet. Almost an hour was wasted scrubbing up the smaller splatters of green shit which by then were dry and stuck to the floor.

My mistake was sending all three dogs out into our back yard without their leashes attached and without my close supervision, while I was cleaning the kitchen floor.

Zooey barked to let me know that Walter and Buddy were up to no good outside. I looked out the kitchen window and they were nowhere in sight. So I grabbed two leashes and slipped on my shoes.

I went out the front door and from the porch could see the dogs in the yard of the vacant house across the street. Buddy met me in the street and let me put her leash on. Then she tugged me to the yard where Walter was romping. Walter wouldn’t come when called until I started after him with leash in hand. He came to me with his tail between his legs and a guilty look in his expressive black eyes. I attached his leash and then dropped both and ordered the dogs to “go home!” We were standing in the driveway of the vacant house, adjacent to the woman who’d called the cops a week or so ago. The dogs went straight to our front porch and stood waiting for me to open the door for them; they too must have feared their antics had awakened our cop-calling neighbor.


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